Vacation

I am stuck in the unusual position of having free time. I finished my exams yesterday and don't have any classes until January 5th (I think). As some of my classmates so astutely noted, we're now 1/8th of the way to being doctors. Such a thought hadn't even occurred to me, actually. I'm just happy to be able to tidy up my house (it was gross) and spend time with my cats and husband. It's absolutely freezing outside, literally like eight degrees or something ridiculous like that, and the ground is covered in a thick (to me) layer of snow. I feel pretty good about it, actually. There's really only two things I need to do between now and January 5th. I have to write an application for a grant for summer research (more on this should it come to fruition) and I need to start studying for Head and Neck.

I also need to work on the notion that passing is good enough. My school does pass/fail grading, which sounds pretty nice. It is, I guess. Except some bright person stuck in the option of high passing. Now, if you've ever gone to medical school, you know how ridiculous this is. Heck, if you went to graduate school you get it too. You're taking a massive amount of classes, all of which are covering an epic amount of material in a short amount of time. You can study ten hours a day (and many days I do) and only get a 70% (stupid histology). Since this is passing, it shouldn't bother me. It does though. I want to high pass things. I think I equate doing the best I can in things to intelligence. This is not necessarily the case. I am in medical school with 123 other students who are also used to making top grades. Clearly, we're not all high passing. Most of us aren't, actually. That doesn't make us dumb. It makes us human. And we don't like it. We want to ace everything. We're certain that getting a 70% in histology (sigh) will affect us negatively in the future. It might, but probably not.

The thing is, none of us came to medical school to be mediocre, and that's what we equate 70% with. We don't want to be average. Now, not being average may vary from person to person; luckily for me, being above average does not mean becoming a neurosurgeon. For most, though, getting good grades is part of being above average.

My toes are cold.