One of the things that some folks struggle with while in medical school, or grad school, or any kind of school, really, is putting off starting a family. I know that I want kids, but I also know that while I could have them in medical school and/or residency, I wouldn't be able to be the kind of parent I want to be if I do that. Thus we wait. It's hard, though. I love children and both enjoy and hate watching my friends have children. I am so pleased for them; so far, they have all proven to be good parents. I get great joy out of seeing their children, playing with them. I know logically that we will be able to be better parents in a few years, but that hasn't stopped some of my peers from having children and being good parents. A gal entering third year is expecting and is thrilled. An acquaintance of mine is going into fourth year and his wife is pregnant. Not perfect, perhaps, but not the end of the world either.

Partially, I am afraid that when it is time for me to try to have a baby that I won't be able to. I didn't really make plans for my life, but part of me always thought I'd have kids by the time I was 30. At this point, that might not be entirely likely. When the time comes, though, will I be able to have a baby, or will I struggle to conceive? Will we be eligible for adoption? My parents were nearly too old when they adopted me; apparently Oregon had strict adoption laws in the eighties. Now they simply can't afford road signs. Oregon is a weird state. What if I am "too old" to have a baby?

Maybe I'm just frustrated because while I am doing this school thing, my friends are doing other things and leaving me behind. At the same time, I really enjoy my schooling. Gah.