10 December, 2009

Today is atypical; let me give you an example of typical

Today I am sick. This means that I'm doing school work at home, in my jammies. Some of my classmates do this every day. I like going to school, though, because classes can be helpful. Something about actually seeing the professors is good. Needless to say, though, that today is atypical. I slept until 10 and am already considering a nap. My head is full of cobwebs and my brain is trying to exit through my nose. Gross, I know.

But what is a typical day for me?
4:30am - cat starts batting at my face; he thinks it's food time. I ignore him.
5:00am - alarm goes off. I hit the snooze and lie there for five more minutes. Then, I get up and gather everything together. Books, clothes, food.
5:45am - feed the cats and leave for the gym.
6:00am - arrive at gym. Somehow convince myself that it is a good idea that I do this most mornings. Claim an elliptical/treadmill.
7:10am - realize that it's 7:10am and run to the locker room. Shower.
7:45am - go to car, swap gym bag for school bag and breakfast.
8:00am - arrive in class, eat breakfast, and sit in same seat for four hours.
12:00pm - lunchtime! sometimes I actually get to eat with friends. Other times, there are meetings.
1:00pm - 5:00pm - class.
5:00pm - on most days, I am able to head home and study until husband gets off work at 6pm.
6:00pm - husband gets off work, cats demand food, we make dinner and feed cats. We talk about our days and eat together. Sometimes we watch something funny.
7:30pm - study for a bit, or until bedtime.
9:30-10:00pm - we head to bed and/or play card games for a bit and/or read.
11:00pm - we actually fall asleep.

20 November, 2009

I've been called a gunner a few times this week. "Gunner" for those not in the know, is a word used in medical schools to describe very driven students, often in a negative light. In my mind, at least, "gunner" connotes a negative sentiment.

I also feel like I'm the least gunner like person I know. Yeah, I'm trying to do my best in medical school, but I would never sabotage my classmates. I also pretty much don't care how I do in my classes anymore, so long as I pass the courses. I've also started casually studying for boards, which is apparently quite weird. I think it makes sense to study as we go through the courses; I've purchased a few books and I'm working through them along with my courses. We'll see what happens with this.

I just don't feel like a gunner. My classmates probably meant this in more of a complimentary way than I'm thinking...at least I hope so...

02 November, 2009

Nature

Today, one of my professors, who also happens to be a physician (shocker, I know) gave me an assignment. She told me to go take a walk outside for at least 20 minutes.

Best homework ever.

31 October, 2009

Halloween

A little boy came to our door dressed up as a compact fluorescent light bulb, complete with a band that listed his wattage and amps used. Best costume ever.

12 October, 2009

October

It's currently my favorite time of year. It's the time of year that (at least in New England) wild turkeys run rampant and wild along the highways, that frost lingers in the air, and that everything is pumpkin flavored. I love fall, and it is 100% more awesome here than it was in Washington State. People here get really into fall. They go on hay rides, make really elaborate corn mazes and open them up to the public, float pumpkin boats down rivers, and attempt to make anything and everything pumpkin flavored. It is a pretty awesome season.

Yesterday, my husband and I went to the most massive corn maze ever with another couple. The theme was "Under the Sea," and supposedly if you looked at the maze from a helicopter, it actually formed the image of a lobster and other sea life. It also encompassed 5 acres of maze goodness. There's something really neat about running around in corn fields. After we finished the maze, we went on a hay ride to look for pumpkins. That was fun too, although we left without pumpkins. You have to find just the right one, y'know? It has to speak to you. This same farm also had a corn cannon, where you could shoot ears of corn across a field to hit wooden cut outs. Although we didn't try it, we got a big kick out of watching little kids attempt to hit a blue cow made out of old oil drums.

Anyway, I'm on day four of a four day weekend, which means (predictably) that I've had a lot of fun and gotten plenty of sleep but I haven't accomplished much in the way of school work. That's today. It's time to learn about psychiatry.

30 September, 2009

Neuro drawing to a close

Our last neuro exam is on Friday. It will emphasize diseases, radiology, and pharmacology. This is great, because most of us totally forgot about the pharmacology part due to being overwhelmed by the neurology part. As such, due to our fear of failing neuro, we're all going to fail pharm. We clearly planned this well.

I wrote a haiku.
"Primary brain lymphoma / ring enhancing pics / periventricular spread."
Clearly, I've lost my mind. But I remember things about primary brain lymphoma now...

24 September, 2009

You know you live in a small town when...

Your bank calls you to wish you a happy birthday, and it's not an automated call.
Dogs sleep in the middle of the road and cars drive around them (this happens when I drive to school periodically).

In other news, neuro is grinding to a finish; our last exam is on October 2nd. I think it's safe to say that we're all pretty much ready for it to be over, although there are certainly a few budding neurologists in our crew who have emerged triumphant and glorious over the material. I, however, am not likely one of those people.

13 September, 2009

Tomorrow I have the second of three tests for our Neuroscience class. This one is purported to be the most difficult; as such, my classmates and I are finding ourselves both panicking about the amount of material and lacking in motivation to study the material. Case in point - I'm writing this right now.

So I posted a note on facebook, asking people what was one memory they had of me. My brother (who I didn't grow up with past the age of about 2) replied, saying that I "wore a tiny little football helmet and didn't make eye contact."

I think it's interesting what his 7 year old self noticed about me before I vanished from his life.

11 September, 2009

When I grow up...

Here are (in no particular order) the things that I am thinking of being when I grow up.

*General pediatrician - I like kids. They are fun to care for.
*Pediatric palliative care doctor - I like kids, families, comfort care, and counseling. Also, I have an "in" at one of the fellowship sites.
*Palliative care doc - this is the non-pediatric form. I like it for pretty much the same reasons as the pediatric form.
*Physical medicine and rehab - helping people regain function is awesome.
*Child psychiatry - this is actually the thing that set me on this long, circuitous path in the first place; I took general psych when I was 16 years old, loved it, wanted to do more and go to medical school, and very shortly thereafter convinced myself that I wasn't smart enough to do so. Then, five years later, I took a neuroscience course that made me realize that although I might not be smart enough, I am determined enough.
*Neurology - I like brains. They're fun. I like puzzles. They're fun.

Basically, I like the notion of comfort in medicine. This is what I get from this. With the exception of just being a general pediatrician, all of these options would require either a 3 year residency and a fellowship (usually 1-2 years) or a 4 year residency (PM&R, combined peds-psych, combined peds-internal meds) or both.

Yikes.

03 September, 2009

I haven't written in a while; there are a number of reasons for this. The most compelling is that I am in the midst of learning everything humanly possible about neuroanatomy and neurology in six weeks. Additionally, I'm lazy. Also, there are some strange things occurring around me. Suffice it to say that medical school is keeping on keeping on, and there is minimal drama (ok, so the lack of drama is a lie).

20 August, 2009

Another year, another $60,000

Second year is started; we're going full swing at this point. If you live in New England, you'll know that summer just now started. This past week, it's been high 80's-mid 90's with 75% humidity. It's great times, studying instead of being out on the beach.

Also, if you live in New England, you know that the mosquitoes are pure, unfettered evil. You go outside and get bit immediately.

Med school is expensive. I'm weighing financing options that include but are not limited to joining the army, national health service corps loan repayment plans, public health service corps, just paying off the quarter million, working in under served areas or public service for ten years while making income based payments and then having the remaining debt forgiven, and getting a wealthy benefactor. As of this point, the two top options are joining the army and doing the ten year public service/loan forgiveness program. I'm honestly torn between the two, because they both honestly have some benefits and negative points. I've been talking to loads of people about both options. There are quite a few military scholars at my school, all of whom have had different experiences. We'll see what's in store, I suppose.

31 July, 2009

One of the things that some folks struggle with while in medical school, or grad school, or any kind of school, really, is putting off starting a family. I know that I want kids, but I also know that while I could have them in medical school and/or residency, I wouldn't be able to be the kind of parent I want to be if I do that. Thus we wait. It's hard, though. I love children and both enjoy and hate watching my friends have children. I am so pleased for them; so far, they have all proven to be good parents. I get great joy out of seeing their children, playing with them. I know logically that we will be able to be better parents in a few years, but that hasn't stopped some of my peers from having children and being good parents. A gal entering third year is expecting and is thrilled. An acquaintance of mine is going into fourth year and his wife is pregnant. Not perfect, perhaps, but not the end of the world either.

Partially, I am afraid that when it is time for me to try to have a baby that I won't be able to. I didn't really make plans for my life, but part of me always thought I'd have kids by the time I was 30. At this point, that might not be entirely likely. When the time comes, though, will I be able to have a baby, or will I struggle to conceive? Will we be eligible for adoption? My parents were nearly too old when they adopted me; apparently Oregon had strict adoption laws in the eighties. Now they simply can't afford road signs. Oregon is a weird state. What if I am "too old" to have a baby?

Maybe I'm just frustrated because while I am doing this school thing, my friends are doing other things and leaving me behind. At the same time, I really enjoy my schooling. Gah.

23 July, 2009

The most ridiculous thing ever

I've done a lot of nutty things this summer. There was the time that I walked into the Charleston Naval Shipyard and asked if it was Massachusetts General Hospital. That was funny, wasn't it? Then there's the whole hanging out with people while they die thing. This is less funny, but it's not something that most people do during the summer time. I also convinced my husband (not to mention myself) to scale a rock face at Acadia National Park. This particular hike is called "The Beehive" and although it's purportedly only 0.8 miles long, it's pretty ridiculous.



Today, though, I think I may have outdone myself.

Every Thursday for the past month or so, I've been attending the didactic sessions that the palliative care fellows go to, sort of to get an idea of what it's like to be a palliative medicine fellow. They're fun and I understand about 5-10% of everything that is said. All in all, they're an excellent use of a Thursday morning. Today is the last one that I'll be able to attend, and I'm stuck in Wakefield. This is because I've lost my keys somewhere in this house, and I CAN'T FIND THEM. It's beyond the point of even looking at this point, because I've already missed my bus by about a half an hour, and even if I could find them, I couldn't get all the way from Wakefield to Dana Farber by eight o'clock. It's just not feasible. Even if I could, I can't leave the house because, well, this isn't MAINE or Lummi Island, where you can leave your house unlocked and your keys in your car with the windows rolled down and not worry about anything. Wakefield is a nice area, to be sure, but it's not that nice. And I'm not leaving my friend's house completely unlocked.

Oh well. One of the things they were gonna talk about today is delirium, and there were like four MSTAR presentations on that on Tuesday.

The pictures were taken by one of my classmates as he hiked the Beehive at Acadia.

17 July, 2009

I brushed the cats and got enough fur off of them to build another cat.

I am also officially overweight. I didn't go to the doctor, but pretty much every good source that I can find on the internet says that I'm at least ten pounds overweight. This is a huge deal for me, because although ten pounds isn't that much, it's the notion that I'm overweight at all that gets to me. I try to exercise and am fairly successful; I generally exercise between three and five days a week, for about an hour at a time. I feel like I eat ok, but that is clearly not the case. I think the main issue is that while I eat healthy overall, I eat too much of those healthy foods. I think it's the portion size that is the problem. I mean, I don't live on donuts, cupcakes, or macaroni and cheese. Sometimes that sounds awesome though.

I think I'm going to start up the No-S Diet again. It's a good diet and isn't really a diet.

Harry Potter today! But for now, back to work.

13 July, 2009

AFAR MSTAR - the end is near

I (probably) have my presentation mostly done. I'm going to start practicing it either tomorrow evening or Wednesday. It's not exactly the worst presentation in the world; I basically have to talk in an organized fashion for ten minutes, and then allow five minutes for questions from the peanut gallery. I have a few good case studies that I can share, as well as a framework for end of life communication that I can present.

The other slightly more stressful aspect of this is that I'm attempting to write a review of the literature that is appropriate for publishing. The problem that I'm running into isn't the literature search; if there's an article out there about family meetings in the ICU or in end-of-life care or in pediatric palliative care or in palliative care or whatever, I've read it (that is if it was written after about 1990). I've even been fairly successful in keeping track of my search criteria, search terms, and how I culled down the articles. I'm at this point now where I have my big stack of paper print outs and I don't know what to write about. I think I actually have enough for two reviews, one which would present the current view points and frameworks for family meetings in end of life care and one that would deals with prognostication in family meetings. A lot of the articles could even be used to make a third review about family satisfaction with end of life care and family meetings. I just don't know how to write this. They haven't taught us this in our didactic sessions because most people are doing more data analysis stuff. Basically, my thoughts are scattered.

Computers, not casinos. I like it.

06 July, 2009

Crunch time

So I have two weeks before I have to give some sort of presentation on the work I've been doing this summer. It's interesting, because I know I've done a lot, learned a lot, but I'm not sure how to best share that with people. I've learned quite a lot about the current opinions concerning family meetings in palliative care; I could probably summarize for you the best accepted format for said meeting. I've begun to develop what I think is a good way for someone, not me (hopefully), to start researching how family meetings in the ICU affect the family's understanding of prognosis. There are papers out there about how best to talk about prognosis with the family. Sure, there's like five, and they all say the same thing, which is "it depends on the family." Clear as mud, right? For the short term, I'm attempting to do a literature review, which I've never done, in such a way as to make it acceptable for publishing, which I've never done either. I also have some nice data for case studies of family meetings; there have been quite a few this summer, but understandably, not many of these families are keen to be the subject of research of a medical student, even if she does have IRB approval (yes) and even if she is nice (yes). Basically, I bit off way more than I can chew.

I have two weeks to figure out what to present; the paper can come later, although it'd be nice to have it done before school starts (not likely).

On the entertaining side, though, hearing half a million people sing "Sweet Caroline" along with Neil Diamond is really scary.

01 July, 2009

What can brown do for you?

I just had a phone date with a friend from college. We email, chat on instant messenger, and text each other fairly regularly. He's one of the very interesting people I know from undergrad, not in the least because he started out as a computer science type guy. He then evolved into a scientist of sorts, then became an EMT, started going to Burning Man, and applied to medical school. When I first met him, I didn't imagine that he would be a doctor, but now I think it suits him quite well. We're med school buddies now. We go to different medical schools together. Quite a departure from taking a photography class and eating moochi together during undergrad.

Hmm...now I want moochi. And sleep.

30 June, 2009

One of the rules of surgery

"Eat when you can, sleep when you can, never fuck with the pancreas."
~ Dr. Rudolph

In other news, I have eczema and one of the patients on our service has diagnosed themselves based upon the hit television series "House, M.D." I wish that was a joke.

29 June, 2009

(M. Jagger/K. Richards)

I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would meet her connection
At her feet was her footloose man

No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometime you find
You get what you need

We went down to the demonstration
To get your fair share of abuse
Singing, "We're gonna vent our frustration
If we don't we're gonna blow a 50-amp fuse"

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need

I went down to the Chelsea drugstore
To get your prescription filled
I was standing in line with Mr. Jimmy
And man, did he look pretty ill
We decided that we would have a soda
My favorite flavor, cherry red
I sung my song to Mr. Jimmy
Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was "dead"
I said to him

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need

You get what you need--yeah, oh baby

I saw her today at the reception
In her glass was a bleeding man
She was practiced at the art of deception
Well I could tell by her blood-stained hands

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need

You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need

24 June, 2009

Bunny

Also, Tina's bunny is hopping around on the floor and may have just pooed on the floor. He likes to be free.

oy vey

So can I just say outright that I have the up most respect for people who do research. Y'know, the people who really enjoy mulling through their hypotheses and figuring out how best to test them, people who like to mess with statistics to figure out relationships and the proper way to interpret data. These people are great and necessary for the future of pretty much every scientific discipline out there.

That said, screw it. I'm good at the idea part. I can even formulate a hypothesis. I get hung up, however, when I try to figure out how best to test my hypothesis. There is something hypnotic and enjoyable about data entry; it's meditative. Writing I can do; words are pliable. I don't even mind the revision process, because I still feel like I'm doing something. Similarly, data collection is good, if it involves talking to people. People fascinate me. Basically, what I need is a research project where I can either share ideas, do the literature review and writing (did I mention that I like doing searches for things? I should have been a research librarian), or enter data. Don't make me design the protocol for the study; I'll manage to confound it somehow. I could probably analyze data a little bit if someone gave me a crash course in statistics. Unfortunately, this program I'm in seems to want me to do all of these things. This doesn't seem realistic; a simple search on PubMed for anything will show that most journal articles have multiple authors. Certainly all of the authors didn't design the study, do the data analysis, enter the data, collect the data, or come up with the idea. That would be highly inefficient.

I think what I was hoping for from this program was to be a part of a research TEAM. Instead, it's just me. And my mentor, who is good and available, but is confusing. I think he teaches by giving me cryptic hints and then watching me flail for a few days and then dropping more cryptic hints. If I do research in the future, I want to do it as part of a team. I don't need to be first author. It doesn't need to be solely my idea. I certainly don't need to design the damn thing. Just let me write it and be obsessive compulsive about grammar, spelling and split infinitives.

On a somewhat unrelated note, if you're ever in Boston, you should go to the Countway Medical Library. They have a skeleton of conjoined twins on the fifth floor, in addition to other sundry and macabre items.

19 June, 2009

I had one of those weeks where everything I did seemed to go wrong, except when I was working with the PM&R resident on a patient's chart and got her pimping questions right. I like her, I've decided. Other than that, though, everything seemed to go wrong. My mentor didn't realize that I was actually enrolled in the MSTAR program, and thus didn't realize that I actually had to do some kind of research project. This would, I guess, explain why he was so confused when I kept mentioning figuring out how we would collect data. I think it's better now, as we've had a brainstorming session, Maybe. Either that or I'll somehow manage to get kicked out of the MSTAR program, which would suck. I just have to keep reminding myself that the goals of this program are to:

1. learn about how to do research.
2. do a research project, obviously a small one, as program is just during summer.
3. learn about the research process, e.g. hypothesis forming (got it), literature review (totally got it), methods (um...workin' on it), data collection (um...yeah workin' on it), results (so not there yet), and discussion (I'm pretty verbose so this should be easy).

Also, I'm writing this on the train to Maine (yes, that's actually Amtrak's slogan; cheesy ain't it). The future is NOW!.

18 June, 2009

I'm not sure what it is about the east coast, namely New York City and Boston, but the majority of the people I interact with seem to be quite image conscious. This is probably confounded by the fact that I interact with a lot of well-paid nurses, nurse practioners, and doctors, but it's definitely there. Some of the ladies on our service have positively massive diamond engagement rings, only one of which I could potentially see myself liking even remotely. People carry handbags as a statement, not as a means to cart around stuff. Here I was, foolishly assuming that handbags were to cart around books for the subway, chapstick for the lips, the wallet, the keys, and various other sundry items. This is not the case; in fact, one of my co-workers has a large Coach bag in which she keeps a smaller bag. The smaller bag is for all of her things; the Coach bag is for...something. I have a really nice purse that I like. It's a decent size, it's black, classic looking, practical. And it was on sale at Macy's. Compared to my coworker's bags, it's a non-event. I'm fine with this, although recently I've started carting around my purple backpack from undergrad just to see the looks on their faces.

The handbags aren't the only sign of this image consciousness. I am not used to seeing people look so well put together all of the time. I don't necessarily mean within the hospital; there's a professional aspect to that mode of dress. I mean when I'm wandering around Boston in a daze. Precisely ripped jeans paired with an Abercrombie t shirt and a little jacket slung just so. Women who have their hair perfectly styled to go to the grocery store. People who refuse to wear things that aren't some name brand. Everyone has an image in mind that they're trying to project.

This extends beyond the realm of clothing and accessories. On Tuesdays, I meet with a group of medical students from around the country, all of whom are participating in this "learning research while doing research" thing. The first day, the lecturer told us that simply by being in this room, we were setting ourselves apart from our classmates, making ourselves more competitive for residencies. This is probably true but it still struck me as odd. He seemed to focus on the program as a method to boost our CVs as opposed to an opportunity to learn some cool things while visiting a strange place. He spent a decent amount of time sharing with us that he thinks he got where he is today solely because way back when, he participated in this program and got an awesome letter of recommendation. While that might be true, I hate that he insinuated that our classmates who chose to travel, life guard, or sleep on the beach were dumb.

I am enjoying my time on the east coast, but I would be lying if I said that I wanted to stay here.

16 June, 2009

Research

What have I gotten myself into? I have until the end of the summer to create some sort of original research project.

Oh god. How am I going to pull this off?
Starting tomorrow, I'm kicking my work ethic up to 11. I will pull this off. I figure if I can get around on the Boston public transit system, I can survive this.

12 June, 2009

Sometimes you can't go home again...

Literally. We have a patient on our service who will probably never go home again. It's complicated, but it is in large part due to the fact that his daughters and long term partner don't want him at home because they don't think that they can give him the kind of care he needs. Now, his insurance has a hospice benefit, so it would be plausible to send him home with hospice and have visiting nurses. The patient doesn't know this though, and I'm under the impression that we're not supposed to tell him. Really, I think his family just doesn't want him at home because he stresses them out.

I wonder what his last days will be like, where he will spend them.

09 June, 2009

bah-ston

We had a patient the other day who suffered a stroke and then abruptly began to hemorrhage, creating a subdural hemorrhage. Those are bad and will generally kill you unless it is caught in time. This patient's case was complicated, though, and they quickly took a turn for the worst. The family was called in, the patient given a morphine drip to keep pain at bay, and spiritual counselors called in. Her surname was stereotypically eastern European, perhaps Jewish, perhaps not. We all thought she was Jewish. Anyway, we're standing at the nurse's station talking over her pain regimen when two rabbis and a priest walk onto the floor looking for our patient. It was really all we could do to keep ourselves from laughing hysterically. I said to a nurse, "two rabbis and a priest walk onto the neuro-oncology floor and here I am without a punchline."

It was a good day.

(By the way, 2/3 of the time spent at hospitals is spent at the nurse's station. True story. 1/6 of the time is spent walking and 1/6 of the time is spent in patient rooms.)

04 June, 2009

It's strange to be excited about learning about death. I mean, I obviously don't want patients to die, don't want families to have to learn to cope with loss. However, something about helping the process go smoothly for everyone involved is fascinating for me. Helping to keep the patients comfortable and the families feeling supported, informed, and free to grieve appropriately is really fun. Not like going on a roller coaster fun, mind you. More of a peaceful fun. The reading I did today was different than any I'd done recently. It wasn't science really (thank goodness). No kinases, no interleukins, no prostaglandins.

I am damn sick of that hand sanitizer though. I swear it just makes my hands more of a breeding ground for little bacteria.

We actually had an incident the other day where two rabbis and a priest walked onto the neurology/oncology floor looking for a patient. There I was without a damn punchline.

02 June, 2009

"Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world..."

Oy. Yesterday was my first day in Boston and at MGH. Ugh. I'll have to write about it later as I need to brush my teeth and such so I can achieve my goals for today, which are quite a bit LESS lofty than yesterday's.

goals for today - don't wind up at the naval shipyard and think it's MGH; don't fall and skin knee (again); get to work in time to get a cup of coffee; get to work on time today, not nearly an hour late; don't be intimidated by the harvard medical students as i was accepted to this program and am allowed to be here too; don't lose my badge (again).

22 May, 2009

Year One - check

With a little luck and a ton of work, I am done with the first year.

Dear med school,
You made me gain weight. I'd like for you to take it back now. Maybe that's what summer is for, though? Losing weight and doing research? Food for thought.

20 May, 2009

I am not sure that I've ever felt this burned out, this distractable in my entire life. I do a few pharm flashcards and then see a kitty. I look at some pathology slides and then have an urgent need to find one of my classmates (this was mostly yesterday; i've sequestered myself in my apartment today). I look at bacteriology and freak out about how there's no conceivable way that I can pass it and the other four classes that will be on the written exam on Friday. Oh, and it's eight hours. Which is, y'know, totally awesome. There are a few classes, at least, where I can kind of just show up and look pretty for. Or I can try to do really well.

Bet you can't guess which one I'm trying to do. Oh and it's really stupid of me. Pharm, yeah, I have an 88% (or something near there). I could break into the high pass zone. OPP I have something similar...I actually might already be in the high pass zone...I actually don't know my average. BacT is one where I just need to get 70% to match my 70% on the previous exam. Nutrition is a "one and done" as we call them. Final exam is only worth 35% of our grade, but we have to pass it. Pathology is a "one and done" too.

At this point, I just want it to be Friday evening and know that I've passed everything.

12 May, 2009

The end is near. And I'm not talking about the apocalypse. I'm going to be studying for the rest of the week...after I see "Star Trek" tonight, of course. I shall emerge Friday, May 22, at around four pm. Hopefully I will be triumphant.

Then, I get a week off. Yay!

Why only one week, you may ask? Well, that's because I am doing research at a Large Prominent American Hospital for eight weeks. I got some grants and a research training fellowship from the American Foundation for Aging Research. I applied, thinking that there was no way I'd get it. My advisor even got me to apply to the program at Prominent Ivy League Med School. I did so, pretty much assuming that there was no way I'd get it.

And then I did. Huh.

02 May, 2009

Winding down

The first year is drawing to a close, although I'm really trying not to think about this too much. I still have quite a bit to do; drug names to be learned, bacteria to understand, pathology to be...stared at, I guess. Lots to do.

But I bet when it's over with, it'll feel awesome.

Then comes summer. I'm going to be staying in Boston during the weeks, doing research at a large, well known hospital and university. I'm scared, because I've only ever been to the Boston airport and I have no where to sleep during the weeks. A commute is technically possible but insane and impractical. I'm excited because I get to do things at places that I've never thought I'd be at.

I should learn some bacteria now.

22 April, 2009

The truth about medical school

Today, I had a guest student with me. He is planning on applying for admission in the next application cycle. Like most perspective students, he asked a lot of questions that I know I had when I was applying. They're questions that now seem completely ridiculous. I think the one good question he asked was about affordable housing. Everything else was bupkes. This is a selection of things that I wanted to tell him, but I doubt he'd have believed me. Either that or he would get scared.

You will study. You will study until your eyes feel like they will fall out of your head, until you are dreaming about the life cycle of the malaria causing parasite P. vivax and its evil twin P. falciparum. This effort will maybe allow you to pass your classes.

You will take a test that appears to be written in some foreign language, filled with concepts that you have never seen.

You will fail something. If you are lucky, you will fail something that you can fix. I failed immunology, and I am fortunate enough to get to retake the exam. I had better not fail it this time, though. I am lucky, though. One person in my class failed everything and has to go before some board to determine if they get to stay or not. And this person is wicked smart.

You will get sick. Even if you are reasonably healthy, you will get sick. Why? You're in a confined space with 120 other people for large amounts of time.

You will be sleep-deprived. This is because you're trying to take in loads of information, all at once.

You will need support. In this regard, I feel fortunate because I have an awesome husband who is totally ok with me doing this crazy little thing called medical school.

You will ignore the kids who get 90% or better on exams, but only after you too attempt to get 90% on things and fail to do so. This will be for your own good, your sanity. As a corollary, if you are able to get 90% or higher on something, you will keep it on the down low as a courtesy.

You will never look at turkey basters the same way ever again.

Your concept of fun will be forever warped. Studying in a group can now pass for fun.

Bodily functions no longer seem as gross or socially unacceptable.

Your idea of acceptable dinner time conversation will change dramatically. I mean, once you've dissected an entire human being and seen...well...everything, you have a much higher threshold for gross things.

You will make some awesome friends.

Only some of the friends will be dead.

15 April, 2009

Still Alive

I'm still here. Some things are going well; I get to work in the free clinic next year. Not everyone who wanted to got to. Other things not so well. The last test was indeed a microbiology block of doom, although we haven't gotten all of our results back. It looks like I'll be using one "mulligan". I'm hoping to only have to use one though. I guess we'll see. Having to even use one of my mulligans (we get two) is not doing much in the way of helping my self esteem. Luckily, I'm not alone. Well, lucky for me, I guess. I am in good company, and we're all gonna shout "mulligan!" together.

Seriously, I have the best husband and friends ever. I walked out after getting some of the results and burst into tears on the first available person. Luckily, that was Gil, who has two small children and is thus used to copious amounts of snot,and Nick, who just is. We have a little study group to help each other (Nick, Eve, John, and I) and hopefully we'll pull this off. I'm still not sure how this happened; I felt fairly good about this test. Not "high pass" good, but certainly, "yeah, I passed" good.

07 April, 2009

Microbiology block of doom

Oh. My. God.
So many bugs, so little time. I'm really hoping that I can pass bacteriology. It's looking borderline right now, especially since the test isn't multiple choice. I can't believe I'm actually desiring a multiple choice test.

Did you know that there are parasites that basically "shed" genitalia? They lose them and then the infected host defecates them. Can you imagine being able to essentially shit your genitals whenever you wanted, just to grow another set?

31 March, 2009

Summer time plans seem to be falling into place.

20 March, 2009

Medical school is actually quite a lot like high school. The only real differences are that the stakes are higher and there are more dead bodies. Other than that, though, it's pretty much the same. There's the group of "cool" kids, who do things like run for class president and post pictures on facebook where they are seen drinking. A group of jocks can still be found, though they're a bit disorganized due to the lack of any real sports teams to join. The honors students are there too, and they are pretty much like the honors students in high school. There are a few of them who can do everything well and look good at the same time, there's the couple of quiet nerdy ones, and then there's the one that flies under the radar. We haven't found them yet, shockingly. The final group is sort of a composite group, because we have no band, no orchestra, no drama club, no av club. The composite group is actually the biggest.

Hell, there's even rumor of a spring fling. You've got to be kidding me. The parallels are a little creepy. Maybe more traditional colleges are like this; my college certainly wasn't. We were all drama/orchestra/av club/chess club types and we were all socially awkward together.

17 March, 2009

Still working on getting over the desire to high pass everything (anything). At this point, I'm high passing nothing (I think).

11 March, 2009

Realization

"Axilla" is just a fancy word for "armpit." We have two words for armpit (three if you count Aberdeen, Wa) and only one word for love?

Spring class haiku

Too many classes.
Bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs, bugs, laws, drugs.
I have gained ten pounds.

25 February, 2009

It's exam week; do you know where your child is?

Little things that make me happy
1. Yesterday, Chris made me an egg and cheese quesadilla. It was fantastic.
2. Chris is getting up early especially so I can practice physical examination skills on him.
3. I thought I needed new underwear, but then Chris and I found like four packages of underwear that mom sent me in August.
4. After my objective clinical skills examination, I think I'll go to the gym for a little while.
5. On Friday at 5 pm, I get to burn my scrubs.
6. It's (near) impossible for me to fail biochem; in theory, I can go to the biochem exam drunk. I won't though.
7. Monday means new classes.

22 February, 2009

Too much to learn, too little time. Today I forgot the word "nose." Seriously. Yesterday, I forgot the word "pen." Med school makes you dumber. I also occasionally forget how to conjugate verbs in ENGLISH, a language I have spoken since I decided to speak at age 2.

You have a pterygopalatine fossa. Does it make you think of dinosaurs?

We've started making "Silence of the Lambs" jokes in anatomy lab. Does this mean we're nuts?

I've had a disembodied hand in my hair.

20 February, 2009

1. It's weird to study a condition that you actually have.
2. It's frustrating to figure out how to study for a class just as it's ending. At least I'm passing everything.
3. I wish that it wasn't so difficult to get used to the idea of passing being good enough.
4. I wish I could high pass stuff.

17 February, 2009

A day in the life...

5:00 am - alarm goes off. I glare at it.
5:03 am - crawl out of bed.
5:03-5:30 am - stare at the internet in an attempt to wake up.
5:30-6:00 am - gather all of my stuff together, wish I had started this earlier. Trip over the cats. Hug Chris, who is still in bed.
6:00 am - leave for school.
6:15-7:30 am - gym time.
7:30-8:00 am - regroup and get ready for class. Breakfast of some sort.
8:00-12:00 - class of some sort. Breaks given every fifty minutes so I can run up and down the stairs.
12:00-1:00 - lunch time, maybe go to a club meeting if I feel ambitious. Usually eat lunch with Matt, Gil, Cathy.
1:00-5:00 pm - classes again. This varies somewhat; sometimes we only have class til three. One day a week, we finish at noon because we have clinical experiences in the afternoon.
5:00-6:00 pm - study, then home time. Unless it's Wednesday, which means I stay at school until 8:00 or 9:00 pm.
6:00-7:00 pm - food with Chris.
7:00-9:00 pm - sometimes studying fits here; other days, Chris and I hang out.
9:00 pm - fully intend upon going to sleep. Watch some tv program with Chris and snuggle.
10:00 pm - really considering sleep at this point. Maybe even brush teeth. Wind up talking to Chris, studying, or watching more tv.
11:00 pm - we both crawl into bed, snuggle, and pass out, thinking that we're going to try to get to sleep earlier tomorrow.

15 February, 2009

Med school tidbits

In lab, we use the expression "pimp" when someone is pointing to structures on a cadaver and quizzing us relentlessly. Only recently did we learn that, at least according to someone, "pimp" is an acronym for "put me in my place." It's pretty accurate, at any rate.

The other night, we were in lab, studying the pharynx. I have been really working my tail off in anatomy, and so when D pointed to the pharyngeal tonsils, I excitedly named them and mentioned that an inflamed pharyngeal tonsil is called an adenoid. He looked at me like I was insane.
D: That's ridiculous. Don't ever let a clinician hear you say that.
Me: Ok, but Dr. H mentioned this...
D: Well he's wrong.
Me: But it's his class...
D: and as long as you're in it, when he says something you say, "please sir, may I have another." Just remember that he's wrong.

10 February, 2009

In the next two and a half weeks, I have to:
Take an anatomy practical exam
Take a histology practical exam
Take a clinical skills practical exam
Take an OPP practical exam
Write up a take home exam for medical humanities
Take the epic written block exam of doom
Write up an H&P

...at this very moment, I hate med school.

Random

Chris: so I'm thinking of putting any tax return into an IRA.
Katie: sounds good.
*confused pause*
Katie: what's an IRA?
Chris: it's a retirement fund.

Also, I think I may have accidentally signed up to help run an event. And I found out that I was on a committee yesterday...because one of the committee members came and found me and said, "Yeah, so I wasn't sure if you knew you were on this committee cause you're kind of a free spirit."

06 February, 2009

Status = too much to do, too little time

This block has been surreal, primarily because I am exhausted about 75% of the time. I have bronchitis; granted, it's better than it was, but I'm still coughing a lot at night, even with cough syrup, and my chest is still tight and icky. Today in particular was weird, though.
1. We found a Netter with a Hanson sticker on it in the anatomy lab. Our class has a few older students in it, students who were not in middle school when Hanson was popular. For those of us who were familiar with them, though, it was pretty strange. One of the omm/anatomy fellows started singing one of the songs. We threatened to throw a brain at her (yes, we have them.) and she stopped.
2. There's a portion of tissue on the back of the pharynx called the pharyngeal raphe. A large part of lab was spent trying to figure out how to say it. Do you say "wraith," or "rape" or "raffi," or what? No one seemed to know, but when someone said "raffi," one of the fellows and I immediately thought of Raffi the singer, who children love and adults hate. He sang a song called "Baby Beluga" that most parents heard and then despised. Well, the fellow and I started to sing it, thus incurring the wrath of our peers.

05 February, 2009

Harry Potter

I really enjoy the "Harry Potter" series of books. Yeah, they're written for children, but I figure I'm at least partially a child. Anyway, when I was reading them over and over and over again, I sort of imagined which character I would be. Throughout high school and college, I was the most like Hermione. Spent too much time with my nose in a book, knew really weird, obscure things. I kind of hoped this would continue to medical school, that I would somehow be able to balance my relationship with Chris and maintain my Hermione-esque bookworm nature.

I forgot that I'd be going to medical school with lots of other Herminones. There's enough of them that I am no longer a Hermione. I'm Ron. Even on days when I feel like I'm balancing Chris and school fairly well, even on days when I'm doing ok in classes, I'm still Ron. I can't pull down the "Outstanding" grades Hermione did in the books. Heck, I can barely make the "Acceptable" grades that Ron and Harry made. I'm almost Neville.

Damn.

03 February, 2009

So it's official. Having a panic attack before, during, and after a quiz will most certainly affect your ability to high pass a course. It's great to prove the obvious to myself by accident. Let's never do that again, shall we?

29 January, 2009

Snow Drift of Doom

Dear City of Saco,
I appreciate that you plow the streets. Heck, you plowing the streets is one of the main reasons that we moved to the apartment that we did. I love watching it snow, primarily because I know that within a half hour or so, I will hear the reassuring rumble of your plowing monstrosities clearing my street. That said, I have a bone to pick with you. Last night, husband and I went down to clear our driveway, which was a non-trivial task. There was significant snow but we prevailed, reassured that, because we'd cleared our driveway last night, that we would have no problems. This is where you come in.

Your rumbling creatures plowed our road, yes. In the process, however, they managed to push a massive drift of sludge, snow, and ice into our drive way. It was big; big enough that to drive over it would destroy the underside of my not trivially sized SUV. What's more, this two-feet thing of snow had managed to freeze, leaving me to ponder how, without any metal snow shovels, I was to get to class. Yes, I know, we should have metal snow shovels, but when you buy your snow gear at Reny's you pretty much get whatever they happen to have that day. Luckily, I was not alone. I have an awesome husband, and good neighbors with metal tools. It took four of us a half an hour to clear this...thing in such a way that I could drive to school. I would appreciate it if you could somehow keep the massive barricade of snow and ice out of my driveway, as well as the driveways of my neighbors.

At least I don't have to go to the gym today, which is good. I no longer have time due to the snow barricade of doom.

Love,
Me

27 January, 2009

End of January? What?!

1. I have officially finished my first course, Embryology. While I did not high pass it (unless some sort of bizarre miracle occurs), I did pass it, possibly above the class average.
2. I am nearly done with the application for my secret plan for summer.
3. The other day, I felt sort of warm. Then I realized it was 37 degrees. It hasn't gotten that warm since.
4. The real proof that I live somewhere that has winter is compliments of www.weather.com. "WINTER STORM WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 6 AM WEDNESDAY TO 3 AM EST THURSDAY...A WINTER STORM WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 6 AM WEDNESDAY TO 3 AM EST THURSDAY.TOTAL SNOWFALL AMOUNTS IN THE WARNING AREA WILL RANGE FROM 10 TO 15 INCHES." Apparently they have to yell across the internet.
5. Cranial Nerve quiz on Friday. Biochem quiz on Thursday.
...I'm almost done with my first set of classes...new classes to commence at the end of February...

24 January, 2009

Busy, busy, busy

There are no words for how much I have to do.

19 January, 2009

New beginnings

I'm sitting here in my living room, watching my boy play a game on the Wii Fit, and I can't help but think that I would give anything to whisk Chris and I away to the inauguration tomorrow. Instead, we're doing what countless Americans are doing tomorrow. We're going to work. Missing this historic day is made more difficult by the fact that my mother, father, two aunts, four cousins and one of their husbands have descended upon our nation's capitol like a whirling dervish. They've been there for a few days and I can't help but think that perhaps our nation's capitol wasn't ready for them.

But I wouldn't take their places. For one, two of my cousins are under the age of sixteen. Being able to witness history will be amazing for them. They'll never forget it. More importantly, though, I would never take my father's place.

My father grew up in the south prior to the civil rights movement. His childhood was one of segregation; he didn't share bathrooms, schools, water fountains, or bus seats with non-whites. Although he might not have thought about it much as a child, as an adult the injustice haunted him. He knew that that environment had been unfair, that he had gotten advantages simply due to the color of his skin.

The last time my father went to D.C., he found the name of his dear friend on the Vietnam wall and cried. This time, he goes to celebrate. If he cries, they will be tears of joy.
It's weird to have snow stay on the ground long enough to get gross, grey, wet, and then freeze again, in globular, heinous shapes. Then, another layer of snow will fall on top of these shapes, making the dirt disappear and the shape slightly enlarged. It's not really pretty or poetic. It's more like the Pillsbury dough boy took a massive dump on the lawn.

In other news, I wish I was in D.C. this week and I am starting to grow fond of the east coast. Not fond enough to stay forever, mind you. I'm a west coast girl. I like drizzle and cloud cover and wind storms and mountains that are actually worth noticing.

I also want to high pass my classes. This is not going to happen as I'm having a really hard time motivating myself.

13 January, 2009

i may be the worst wife in the world. at least i feel like it right now.

12 January, 2009

Boy, kitty, beer

Last night, husband and I were watching "Chuck" which is a good, good show. We were sitting on the couch, me with a cat on one side, a boy on the other, and a beer in hand. I actually said, "This is pretty good. I've got boy, beer, and kitty."

Then the boy moved.
Then the kitty moved.
I was down to beer.

09 January, 2009

Water, water, everywhere


Floods are attacking my home state. There was an unprecedented amount of snow in December, and now the snow is melting and it's continuing to rain, causing massive flooding. The local paper has photos showing just how much water has accumulated. These are places I've driven, lived, visited. It's hard to watch from so far away.

05 January, 2009

H&N

Human...skull...in...apartment...
Peace out.

New Years' Resolution

Now, people are notoriously bad at making New Years' Resolutions. This is because we are either way too ambitious, i.e. let's lose fifty pounds by June, or we simply don't keep them. I generally find it better to not make resolutions at all. I think I'll break that rule this year. I think my resolutions are achievable though.

1. tell husband that I love him every day (already do this).
2. exercise a reasonable amount (taking a week off makes it hard to get back to it).
3. set self up with a psychiatrist/counselor to work on some issues.
4. call my best friend more often (sorry A).
5. do reasonably well in school (i.e. pass everything and get used to it being enough).
6. hug kitties.
7. attempt to actually do the biochem reading this block. doing it right before/during class doesn't count.